I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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