Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
