Got a toothbrush?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
