It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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