Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
