You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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