I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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