So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
