I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
