we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
