ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
