I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
