I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
