Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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