1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
