She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
