dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
