i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
