you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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