yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
