omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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