if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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