Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
