I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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