yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
