get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
