I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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