11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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