Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
