I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
