so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
