Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
