hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
