if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
