Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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