Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
bring money and cleavage
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
