it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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