I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
