Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize