she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
