i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
