Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
