We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
