nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
