your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
