my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
