I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
