For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
