i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I still have a little drunk in my system
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
