Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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