I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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