He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
