I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
