If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
