fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
