Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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