You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
