Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
