Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
