I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
