I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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