omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
