i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You ate ashes out of my bong
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
