I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize