Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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