I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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