We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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