Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
