I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
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